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Another nightmare when I wake up each day

Today, once again, I woke up to a hateful man, that is unfortunately my abusive husband, wailing on me, that I did something else wrong. What don’t I do wrong, according to him?! I woke up, and started to make breakfast, and the first word out of his mouth this morning, was; “I hate scrambled eggs, can’t you do anything right?!!!” He then proceeded to hit me across the face, and then take the hot pan and throw it and the eggs across the room, almost hitting one of our children and the dog. He stormed out of the room, and eventually left the house to go to work, all the while swearing at me. He blames me for everything. My first reaction was to make sure our daughter was ok. She is four. I started crying, as she was crying, and I thought later, if she will remember this moment, and her dad’s behavior? We also have a two year old boy, who was in the other room. Will he remember the other moments of anger from his father? Maybe. I know that I need to get out with my kids, while I still can. I do fear him, and my kids do as well, but we love him but at the same time, we just don’t always like him. We have been so alone during COVID, with him, and it has become increasingly scary. He goes to work sometimes, but he is still here so much, or his friends stop by often when he is not here, as if to check on us, to make sure we haven’t left the house.

How do I make this break, because he has many friends, who know where I go and what I do, somehow. It is like he is having me watched. Is he that jealous or insecure? The system seems to not favor survivors of domestic violence. Him having friends in high places, makes me fear my kids or I, or both will disappear, if he doesn’t get his way.

Privilege and Power rule the system and the courts, I have no doubt.

But, we need to get out, somehow and someday soon!

Signed; Afraid and Not Privileged in the System

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