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Hiding in the Dark and the Light

I was asked to share my story. I am a survivor. I have known more pain that I can even describe, like so many others have as well.

How does one begin to describe the trauma that I have dealt with, and the pain that lingers. Some people think it is pain that is easy to just “get over”, but it is not. I am guessing that people who say that, have never, ever gone through something like this.

I have gone through painful beatings, as well as verbal ones as well, and definitely have felt the pain of being at “rock bottom.” I thankfully, have slowly, began to pick myself up and start again.

It is sad that no matter what I said in court, the facts of what happened to me, “fell on deaf ears” and they didn’t care what I went through. I met several other women, in the court hallway, in Will County court, that were literally in tears after court, because they were treated like dirt by the judge as well as other attorneys. Why is that?! That is horrible! I know the feeling. Women are so alone, in the court system, as they walk their painful journey.

During the abusive situations that I went through, I felt like I was hiding in the dark and the light, because I always had to be on guard, during the day and night, no matter if I was out in public or at home, as I never knew when he would push me down or throw a punch. It didn’t matter to him where we were, because when he was “set off”, his anger would take over. I felt so alone. I definitely felt like everything was dark, even when it was daylight. I prayed for someone to help. When no one stepped up or came to help, I finally got enough courage to help myself, and step out from the dark, and leave.

My hope is that, women step up to help each other, that are going through this, and then maybe, the system will change.

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