Like a butterfly……I am finally free!
If I believe in myself, which is very difficult, I can accomplish anything.
Look at me NOW! I left my abuser, and now I am free… to…..just be……..ME……..whatever that might be.
Just trying to remember how to not be afraid, and to enjoy a “normal” day.
What is “normal?”
I am trying to figure that out.
Who am I anyway? What am I good for? I have been told for so long, that I am “not good for anything”, but I know that is not true, but when you have heard it constantly for years, it sinks into your brain. Horrible feeling and such low self worth follows. I know it will take time to heal.
I have to heal from the physical as well as the emotional abuse. Some of the scars, may never go away.
I will just try to get through, day-by-day.
I know that I can only just do my best.
Sometimes, I watch people go by, as I am sitting in the park, after my daily walk. I often wonder, who else has dealt or is dealing with what I have been through. I often wonder how more people didn’t know what I was going through. I often say to myself; “Why didn’t they help?” For all of the pain I was in, I thought someone had to have known. I know many probably don’t pay attention to someone else’s pain or struggles, but during that time I was with him, and in severe pain, on a daily basis, I lost all faith in people. Maybe someday, I will believe in people again. Maybe.
As for tomorrow, and the next day, I just hope that I will find something to bring me more joy. The joy I have now, is something many people probably take for granted, and that is, just simply having this moment………..this new day……….because I could easily have not been here, and been pushed aside by our system, and society, as “just another woman murdered by her husband.”
I am saddened and disgusted by how people don’t think that domestic violence is a “real” problem. What will it take for people to “really see it”, for what it is?! A plague, that is spreading, faster and faster, everyday.
I pray for every woman still in that situation, in that horror, and in that severe pain. No words. I know how you feel. You are not alone. I care, even if our system doesn’t.
Praying.
If you or someone you know needs help, call the Groundwork 24-Hour Domestic Violence Hotline at (815) 729-1228.