When I look at myself now in the mirror, I see how he has pushed me so far down, with his abusive words and beatings, that I feel so low and sad many times. After he has left the house to go to work or out with his beer buddies, which is usually after he has taken a few swings and hits at me, and thrown his tantrums, of not only hitting me but destroying the house, and making a huge mess for me to have to clean up, as I start to pick up the pieces and try to find my center again, after a good cry.
I often say to myself, how is it that I could have married someone like this?!!! My dad was nothing like him.
When I was asked to share part of my story, I thought, that no one wants to hear from me and what I have been through. It is sad, that when he has yelled at me and pushed me when we have been out to dinner with friends, no one steps into help. Nothing. No one asks me if I am ok. Nothing!!! I have been told by my abuser that no one will care, and if I tell anyone they will think I am crazy.
I am sure people that don’t know anything about domestic violence do think that people like I am crazy, but I am not and victims like me aren’t. Maybe we might feel like we are some days, after being beaten and verbally abused. We have been broken, but we are strong. I know I cannot live with him any longer, and need to figure out my next move to leave him. We have one small child, who is five, so the sooner the better, because our son sees how he is. This is enough. My son and I deserve more!!!