You is Kind, You is Smart, You is Important.

I was watching a movie, not long ago, with the words I say to myself everyday, since the first day he hit me, and caused a bad bloody nose, and bruised cheek. It says; “You is kind, You is smart, You is important.”

I have to repeat this to myself many times on a daily basis, even while he hits me. I am a kind person that doesn’t deserve to be treated like this, even though he says I deserve to be hit and more!

My life is real, my pain is real, it is not a movie. I am going through so much physical as well emotional pain, all at the same time, and sometimes it can be very overwhelming. Especially while I am seeking to leave my abuser, but not knowing how to do so. It is scary, to say the least!

The amount of fear I have, deciding how to leave, while taking care of my little girl, is very stressful and fills me with such anxiety. How many times he has told me, while hitting me, that no one will believe me if I tell anyone what he does to me. So he says I better keep my mouth shut, or I will lose everything and end up sleeping in the streets. Of course, I am afraid.